ISANG TANONG

Dahil parang wala namang kabutihang naidulot sa mundo ang pagsusulat ko sa Ingles sa nakaraang entry, manunumbalik ako sa likas kong wika. Haha.

Marami-rami na palang nagbago sa interface ng blogspot, pero hindi naman 'yun ang pakay ko sa pagsusulat ngayon, kaya never mind this paragraph. Hahaha.

Kanina kasi, sa ikasampu naming Six Sigma training session, naitanong ang tanong na:

Ano ang isang tanong na itatanong mo sa Diyos kapag nagkaharap kayo?

Or something to that effect.


Nakagugulantang na lang din kung ano ang relasyon nito sa Six Sigma. "Siyentipikong" pamamaraan kasi ang Six Sigma ng paghahanap ng solusyon para sa mga suliraning operasyonal na mabigat ang paggamit sa estadistika bilang pangunahin nitong metodo. Kanina naman, pinag-uusapan ang kalinangan ng pagiging malikhain upang makahanap ng solusyon. Pinag-usapan ito gamit ang pitong prinsipyong Da Vincian, una na rito ang Curiosita - ang walang patumanggang pagnanais magtanong nang magtanong.


Kaya 'yun nga ang tanong. Napaisip ako. Ano nga ba ang itatanong ko sa Manlilikha sakaling magkaroon man ang abang tulad ko ng pagkakataong makaharap Siya at makausap?


Sabay naisip ko ang tanong na,

Bakit pa ba kinailangang lumikha; bakit pa ba nagmeron ang mga lalang?

Hindi naman niyan tinutunggali ang kondisyong isang tanong lang, dahil maarte lang naman ako at isa lang naman ang gustong patunguhan ng mga tanong na 'yan. Haha.


Hindi ko rin masyadong mawari kung bakit iyan nga ang tanong na naisip ko. Marahil kasi, sa aking pananaw, sa tanong ding iyan mauuwi ang marami pang ibang katanungan.


Kasi kung magtatanong tayo kung bakit ba may kahirapan sa mundo, kung ano ba ang misyon/silbi natin sa mundo, kung bakit ba ganito ang takbo ng buhay, et cetera et cetera et chusa, baka mapunta pa rin tayo sa tanong na, sa una't una pa lang, bakit pa ba kinailangang likhain ang lahat ng nilalang?


Kung wala namang nilalang, wala namang magiging paghihirap. Walang maghahanap ng kani-kanilang "life purpose." Walang krimen, walang mga ganid at hayop sa lipunan, walang magnanakaw, walang wang-wang (uy. Haha.)


Sa aralin nga namin sa pilosopiya dati, palaging nariyan din at umaaligid ang posibilidad ng kamatayan. Kumbaga, aking-akin lamang at siguradong-sigurado ang kamatayan ko; kagaya ng iyong-iyo lamang at siguradong-sigurado rin ang kamatayan mo.


Sa isang sabi, kung mauuwi rin lamang naman ang lahat sa katapusan at kamatayan, bakit pa nga ba kinailangang nagkaroon pa ng pagmemeron? Bakit pa kinailangang iparanas sa samu't saring uring nilalang ang pagdurusa at kalupitan ng mundo?


Pilit kong pinananatili ang personal na adhika at paniniwalang nilikha ako upang maging instrumento ng Lumikha sa mundo, upang ipalaganap ang Kanyang Pag-ibig, sa kung ano/saan mang maabot ng aking makakaya at abot-tanaw.


Ngunit naroon pa rin ang dudang baka hindi iyan, at ang tanong na baka hindi na iyan kakailanganin kung sa una pa lang, hindi na nagkaroon ng mga nilikha. Dahil kung walang nilikha, wala akong pag-iisipan ng kung ano ang aking silbi sa uniberso, walang pagpapaabutan ng Kanyang Pag-ibig, wala, walang-wala.


Sa mapangahas na hula at pilit na pag-unawa gamit ang abot-tanaw ng aking pisikal na karanasan, nabagot lang ba ang Panginoon at kinailangan Niya ng mga mumunting laruan upang pagmasdan, kaaliwan/katuwaan, at alagaan? Kapara ba ng kapag nababagot tayo noong ating kabataan ay dinadampot natin ang mga mumunting pigurin at laruan sa sala, at lumilikha ng isang pang-aliw na mundo kung saan kinokontrol natin ang mga ito at ginagawan ng kuwento?


Limitado nga lamang ang abot-tanaw ko bilang tao, ngunit may mga pagkakataon kasing tila hindi na sumasapat ang tugong, "hindi, nilikha ako para mag-alay at magmahal sa iba," o 'di kaya ang pakiwaring, "hindi, ganyan lamang talaga ang takbo ng mga bagay, ganyan lang talaga ang buhay." May mga pagkakataong mahirap makisama na lang nang basta sa agos ng buhay dahil "ganoon lang talaga ito." Minsan nakabubuo tayo ng mga tanong na hindi natin alam kung saang dako ng uniberso hahalughog ng karampatang sagot.


Sa tradisyong Boy Abunda, iba't iba man ang ating paniniwala't patutunguhan, ang mahalaga raw ay nag-uusap tayo at patuloy na nag-uusap. Sa kasong ito, marahil nga ang mahalaga pa rin ay nagtatanong tayo't hindi basta na lang nakikisakay. Dahil sabi ng mga pilosopo, sa pagtatanong daw unang nabubuksan ang pinto tungkol sa mga bagay-bagay; sa duda nabibigyang-pagkakataon na makakita ng ibang abot-tanaw sa nakasanayan. Curiosita.


Baka rin may mga tanong kasing naitatanong ngunit hindi nahahanapan ng sagot.

ENGLISH

Because I'm bored, I am going to write in English. The first in the history of kaeklatan. HAHAHA.

It's been a while since I last updated this blog. A lot of things have happened since the elections, the last topic I wrote about. It's been over a year, and the country still awaits to see the concrete, drastic changes that the winning party committed to the general voting populace. Could be the incompetence now being brought to the fore sans (SANS HAHAHA) the dreamy, emotion-filled atmosphere of the 2010 elections when the entire nation raised hopes--to unprecedented and probably dangerous levels--that drastic change will come after a decade of Arroyo rule. Confidence ratings have since plummeted with the apparent lack of action of the seated government regarding pressing issues which it promised to solve in the much-spent-for campaigns. Q1 economic data shows that the economy is slowing down from last year's extraordinary growth levels, possibly indicating decline in investor confidence which soared really high upon assumption of power of the current government. Some analysts are pointing out that the economic slowdown is not critical, and to a certain extent, to be expected given the circumstances of the previous months. Hopefully so. And hopefully, economic upliftment will reach and be felt not only analysts and high-profile investors or even relatively-educated market participants, but more importantly the majority of the country who do not understand those talks about GDP rates and these numbers and percentages that we like to boast about.

Contrary to that previous paragraph, I did not intend this entry to become yet another exposition of a commoner's thoughts on the public sphere.

Yet really, there was not a point when I first opened a notepad document to type away my boredom at the office. Good thing blogger.com is not blocked in my access. It was just that: to type away boredom and possibly whisk away today's stagnation, as efforts to relieve boredom on previous weeks (e.g., inquirer.net HAHAHA, email threads with friends, etc) are proving to become more and more ineffective and desensitizing.

Young and new as I may be in the corporate world, I am starting to think about this capitalist enclosing. Slowly I am starting to feel that the 8:30AM to 5:30PM hodgepodge of excel files, emails, meetings, bosses, more emails, more meetings, etc is becoming more and more a prison cell that Queen declares to be free from someday, Lord! Not to give the impression that I'm stressed out due to very heavy workload. Quite the opposite: I am stressed out because most of the time, I am not doing anything but wait for emails, refresh news sites, and stare at my workstation pretending to look busy (or at least to look like I'm doing something--and writing this surely does the trick hahaha). On occasion, there are meetings, instructions from bosses, and other work-related things, but they come so sparsely that I strongly feel that my mind is surely stagnating. My department talks of a lot of revamping/restrategizing plans, to which I know that I am supposed to do a lot about, but am doing practically nothing. Have I become so incompetent and so stagnated, or even so unmotivated as to not know/not do what to do?

Probably it's the lack of motivation, given that I was thrown into a place that I did not at all envision myself doing/entering. Remnants of bitterness with the lack of bargaining power as to the final assignment after training are probably still present and looming. When then shall I begin recovery and reactivation when I thought to have accepted the turn of events months ago? Songs and literature have been written: we can't always get what we want. But until how long shall I become bound to things I do not want and begin proactively shaping my own life towards what I envisioned, hoped for, dreamed about?

There is technically an answer: 3 years. HAHA or around the vicinity of 138 weeks from the time of this writing. At least for this chapter. But the existential (weh hahaha) questions remain: shall I really begin crawling towards the dream after this 3-year chapter? Or shall this capitalist enclosure soften and dampen my spirits so much as to just want to be confined in its routinary, largely predictable rhythm providing financial gains in regular intervals?

Or the most fundamental questions relevant to this pondering: what exactly is the dream that I hope to move towards? How dare I ask myself when I shall move towards the goal when admittedly, the goal is not clear and defined as yet. But the Philippine Daily Inquirer says: Dare to Ask. HAHAHA.

I probably will have no other course of action really than to follow the preaching of Tambalang Balasubas at Balahura, "to take each day at a time." To live each moment as it comes. Muhammad Ali supposedly said to not count the days but make the days count. But I think I need to hold on to the weekly countdown--presently at 138 and still counting hahahaha.

Tamabalan would ask, why worry about the future when you may not reach tomorrow anymore? Hahahaha. True enough, the certainty of a "future" is not really there.

Really, I just hope to do things I want to do, even while being in this rather alienating condition of the corporate world. If alienation and self-discovery can be done at the same time.

We can only hope and pray.